The Question I May Have Been Avoiding…
SO it finally happened, I got asked the question point blank that I’ve been avoiding for years, face to face, and I answered. I’m asked this question by friends, and the occasional family members sporadically. But last night I had no-where to run, no failing internet to hide behind as my excuse. I was sitting face to face with a cousin I haven’t seen in years, a cousin I look up to. And her two beautiful grown daughters all accomplished in their own super awesome ways, and they were asking me “So what is all this writing I see mentioned on Facebook, about exactly?” (of course I am paraphrasing – they obviously were much more elegant and intelligent.) I cringed, I squirmed, I looked frantic and I’m pretty sure I started to sweat. My eyes darted across the room following my kids and their crazy antics, while I tried to not fumble my words, writers are supposed to have a way with words right?! I always begin to panic when the attention is on me. I don’t want to be rude, these ladies are so cool and sophisticated, I have to answer and not sound like a complete “‘TARD.”
“SO I have always wanted to write…” I start out. I make some long winded explanation about how I avoided my dream and hid my desire to write from those who cared about me. Only to regain a sense of urgency with age; urgency that meant If I died someday without ever realizing my dream of being a published writer I would feel like I betrayed everything I have ever taught my children, or everything that I have ever believed about myself. I’m sure they thought I was full of it. I went on how I have had a particular story in my head, and it won’t leave me alone, the idea keeps coming back and waking me in the night beating me with a stick until I tell this story. They definitely think I’m nuts, I’m talking about a story having a life of its own for cripes-sake! Is that a word? Spellcheck says NO
My newly engaged, lovely, degreed, english major little sister, who actually is an editor, waltzes in and out of the conversation like a lovely social butterfly and pours on how she is proud of me, and she beams smiles my way. And I want is to ball up on the floor and slink away. She is the picture of all I have ever wanted to be, I am immensely proud of her and all that she does and is. It was her graduating from college that got me moving again. I had stalled out, letting motherhood take over. Dirty diapers and spit up and learning ABC’s seemed more important than me, and the fact that I couldn’t wash the dishes or take a shower without that narrator voice inside my head revealing to me the next move of my MC. I saw her walk across the stage to get her diploma, with that “this is for all of you” (meaning us siblings and Mom) look on her face and I knew, I just knew: It was time to stop waiting for my opportunity and make something happen for myself. I have been working against my blocks, my fears, my internal editor, even my lack of bravery, and my shyness and with each memorial step I see her take, I say what steps can I be taking?
Well, today I take a step, not a timid gesture; a cool-aid-man sized, foot-slamming step:
I am a writer of Fiction and sometimes non-Fiction. I am currently working on a book called The Lavender Mirror. It is a Fantasy novel based on tidbits of reality and mostly what I see in my dreams or daydreams. It is the first in a planned Series called The Scrolls of Ellyron.
The main character, Sebastian learns he is part of an ancient prophecy that will change the course of his life forever and he must decide if he will embrace what is laid before him, or fight to change that destiny and create a new one for himself and the world around him. It is about a battle between good and evil and the fight we all have inside ourselves, to overcome darkness.
I plan on reaching out and being published (by my own means if I have to) by the end of this coming year, 2015. Then next time I get that question that comes so often…”what’s all this writing about?” I will have a REAL answer: I am a writer!